The prospect of perhaps never farting again, post operation, is dawning on me.
I'll be frank, I bloody enjoy farting.
I think it's a bloke thing.
Marilyn will be thrilled. Picture the scene...every day for the last 37 years I have started each day with a fart during mid pee followed by "good morning botty". It drives her crazy.
She is a grand master and has the wonderful ability of "breaking wind" with a complete lack of embarrassment and odour. Perhaps that's the secret. Her range is fantastic and I particularly like the motorbike starting on a cold winters morning and disappearing down a narrow lane backfiring all the way. Don't let on I've told you though.
We all have our own styles. Oli is messy. Sounds a bit like the rapid slapping of a wet halibut. Jennifer is very neat. Brother Leo always follows his with " a bit more choke and that would have started"
My mother never farted in her life and Dad took this as a licence to fart twice each time at slightly different pitches.
So it is looming that my farting days could be over. No more bubbles in the bath, fanning sheets, fearing the follow through or "morning botties". I will miss them terribly but I guess I'm on my own there. Marilyn is reaching for the champagne..
I'll just pray the surgeon doesn't have to take too much out. Wish me luck
Jon x
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Hi Jon, Sarah and I have just caught up with your latest expedition into the unknown and will be thinking of you next week as your journey unfolds. I'm told the technology used these days to fix this stuff is brilliant, with perhaps the exception of the colonoscopy which I concur is a strange, almost surreal experience, (you must try a cystoscopy next!). Anyway, with your fun-loving, positive outlook on life and the universe I'm sure you will emerge from the process with renewed determination to continue to enjoy life to the full, even if you are unlucky enough never to be able to fart again.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and love to Marilyn - Peter from Peaslake
You should come round here - the boys have an entertaining game. If (more like when) someone lets rip, the rippee has to say "safety" before anyone else says "Mackerel". If you can get your mackerel in first, you are allowed to punch the rippee on the arm as much as you like before he manages to name 5 types of fish. I have no idea where this came from, but it keeps the boys entertained for hours. However, I'll leave you with an extract from a Tudor book on good manners, which I am having framed and put up in our house: "When at dinner, don't shift your buttocks left and right as if to let off some blast. Sit neatly and still". Which sounds like no fun at all! Love, Tessa
ReplyDeleteGood luck today Jon - thinking of you. Having been a 'bag lady' for coming up 16 years - it can be just as much fun as farting, if a bit messier! - Dave and Pat x
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